A wedding

In may we celebrated a beautiful wedding of Jeremy's brother Jeff. His bride is a beautiful woman inside and out. She completes him in every way possible. I am so very happy for them both. 

I don't have very many pictures from the day as I was busy running around after the adorable little flower girl. 

But I do have a couple from my phone. 

This one might be my favorite on from the whole weekend. 

It is just so precious to me.

The ceremony. 

Was intimate and from the heart.

The ring bearer and flower girl..... ( my favorite. ) terrible picture, but it's what I have. :/

My groom and me. He is my heart. 

The only family picture I have. Again.... Terrible.... Nathan had already " undressed" and was running around with his cousins. We had to corral him into taking a picture lol. 

Things I have learned today...

Emma loves to play in the mud.

Emma loves to eat the said mud.

Emma loves to play with the hose.

Emma loves to drink the water from the hose and then spit it out.

Emma loves her bath. 

I love pallets.

I love pallet projects.

Jeremy thinks I am nuts.

Jeremy humors me.

After pallet project is done, Jeremy kinda likes pallet projects.

I don't mind mowing the lawn. 

I do however mind putting oil in the lawn mower.

White smoke is indicative of no oil in the mower. 

There is a fill line on the dipstick of the oil compartment on the mower. 

You are not supposed to fill the oil past the fill line. 

Lesson learned..... Let Jeremy check the oil. 

I love grilled chicken marinated in Italian dressing. 

I love potatoes cooked on the grill.

Gettin Ready

I've been thinking lately.

Dangerous I know,

But still, I have.

I was thinking about Emma.

Emma wakes up early in the morning. She wants a bottle and then she will fall back to sleep for another couple hours.

I hear her stirring.

I hear her start to whimper.

She starts to cry with this pathetic little desperate cry. Like no one can hear her, like no one cares.

But you see I do hear. Almost as soon as I hear her stirring, I get up and start getting ready her bottle.

Sometimes, I have to wash one out.

I have to prepare the bottle, and wait for it it to heat up. It takes time to get it ready.

While I am in the kitchen getting things ready, it doesn't mean that I don't hear her.  I do hear her. I want to tell her that it will be ok. That I am working on it. That I am coming, that I am just getting it ready, but b/c she is whining and crying she isn't able to hear my voice.

I wonder if that is how God is. He hears us.

He hears us when we start to whimper.

He hears us when we wail and moan before him.

I wonder what He is trying to speak over us. What we aren't hearing b/c we aren't still and quiet. What we miss when we are crying our desperate little cry, that cry like no one can hear us and like no one cares.

So many of my dear friends are walking through tough times.

 real trials.

Trials where the only one that can bring help is God himself.

My heart aches for them. truly. I spent so much time through out the day praying for Gods intervention.


I know the burden that can be so heavy at times that you feel like you can barely stand under the pressure. Dear one, cry to Jesus. HE is big enough, strong enough to carry the weight of it.

With Emma once the bottle is done, then I go to her. I scoop her up, I sing songs and words of comfort and love over her. Once she is calm, once she is ready, then I can give her her bottle. The thing her heart has desired.

Yes, I wonder if that is how God is.

I think He desires us to be still. And when we aren't, he will come and pick us up, he will sing songs of comfort and love over us.

How?? I can't really explain. Other then a stillness in my soul, and quietness in my heart.

And once we are calm, once we are still, then He will give us what our soul longs for.

Whether it's rest, or healing, or peace, whatever it is, God in his goodness will give it.

Sometimes He's in the kitchen....gettin ready

Sometimes He's picking us up and sing songs over us

And sometimes.....He is pouring out his blessing.

His blessing to me this morning:

A quietness of the soul. A KNOWING that he was speaking to me.

I read Joel 2 this morning. What beautiful verses.

Joel 2:19 - The Lord replied to them: I am sending you grain, new wine and olive oil, enough to satisfy you fully; never again will I make you an object of scorn to the nations.

21 - Surely he has done great things! Do not be afraid, land of Judah; be glad and rejoice. Surely the Lord has done great things!

25a - I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten

26 - you will have plenty to eat, until you are full. And you will praise the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.

A "through" kinda faith......

I have been thinking for some time about testimonies. You know the kind.....sitting in church and either there is an evening set apart for singing and testimonies or just a song sung on a random night with a couple testimonies thrown in here and there. I am in no way making fun of testimony time. I think its good to proclaim the things that God does in our life. What has me thinking lately is that most testimonies only tell the good things. The times God has "come through" The times the healing has come, the marriage has been saved,  the time the bill has been paid.....you know....those things that PROVE that God is good to his people. My question is......what about the times when the money doesn't come in to pay the bill? what about the times when you get a call from the doctor and they say the cancer is back? what about the times your children have no desire to follow Christ? When the marriage looks like there is no hope to it. When the one thing that you want more then anything never comes to fruition? When your wife is laying sick and all you want to do it heal her, help her, comfort her.

What then? Where is that testimony? Is God not good even then? Why do we only share the good things?

I have said so many times in the past year or two how GOOD God is. I noticed that it has usually been in "good" times. We are in a season where it isn't so good. Does that mean that God isn't here?

So here is my testimony.

We are in a hard place. A hard season. A season of not knowing, of insecurity, of waiting, and yes, even of fear. I lay awake at night and have conversations with God. While I'm talking with God, Satan is in my ear, telling me lie after lie. And man is he good. He knows just what to say to have me doubting. Doubting the goodness of God, doubting the believability of God,  which when I doubt that, I begin to doubt everything about Him. That God isn't here, that God doesn't see, that God doesn't care, that if God cared, he wouldn't allow.

I wake up feeling defeated and weak, knowing that I can not handle one more day.

What I need is a "through" kinda faith. What I want is a "through" kinda faith.

Hebrews 11:33 - 34 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice,  and gained what was promised; who shut the mouth of lions, quenched the fury of the flames and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed back foreign armies.

I want the kind of faith that I need to get me through something, not around it. It takes more faith to be delivered through something then from it. The "through" is hard. The "through" is painful. The "through"is when you want to quit bc you feel like you can't take another thing.

God desires to turn a weakness into a strength. The muscle that is strengthening in this weakness is what God is after. He's not out to change our circumstances, He's out to change me. He wants to turn weaklings into warriors and that only happens in the "through."

1 Peter 5:8 Be alert, be soberminded. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

My desire is to shut the mouth of the lion. When he is sitting in my ear and telling me all kinds of lies, I need to know that he is already defeated. Yes, Satan knows that God is believable. That is why he does everything in his power to discourage us. To make us doubt.

Yes, I am in a hard season. A season of uncertainty. But I am so thankful that the God that I serve is believable. I do serve a GOOD God. Even in the hardness of life, in the not fun times, in the scary places, I want the "through" faith. The faith to know that I will get to the other side a stronger person, a person who's muscles may have been stretched but they are stronger in the stretching.

You see, I think my job is to remain. To remain attached to the one true vine. Attached to the words he has for me today. To not get myself all tied up into knots and in a dither about the... What could happen and the what if's. I just need to be still and remain.

Nothing caught God by surprise, nothing caught him off guard. If he has brought me to this.... Then he will bring me through it. There is good that will come from it.

May God give me the strength to remain faithful to him. To not let the fear consume me and make me pull back. Right now it would be a whole lot easier to pull back and say it isn't worth it. We were better off when we didn't do this or when we weren't in this season. But I want to be found faithful in the through. In the testing.

Hebrews 11:1 ~ Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

I do not see an answer.

I do not see, I do not see, I do not see.

Hebrews 11 :27b ~ he persevered because he saw him who was invisible.

But I DO see a God who loves me. A God who has my best interest on his heart.

What is your testimony? Please.. What IS your testimony??

( I am so thankful for my bible study. I'm telling you, it continues to amaze me how God has lined up the lessons with exactly what I need. )

A very quick picture update.....

 Really....who couldn't love this??

 

Now this......this little one.....I can love.

She was cheesin' for me one day.

Snuggles on the couch one winter morning.

Emma was pushing Na-Na all over the house. It was really quite funny.

Emma wasn't enjoying her 1st time playing out in the snow. She wasn't too impressed.

 She couldn't wait to get inside.

On the other hand......

J couldn't wait to play.....

Guess who else couldn't wait to play??

Ei yi yi.....

I'm not ready for this.

I do love snow.....

But, I am ready for flip flop weather.

Mads said she was gonna take the dogs on a walk.....she didn't last long.

lol

all these things will be given to you as well

We serve a good God.

This has been my life for the last couple months.

Usually on Sunday nights, J and I will head to the laundry mat and use the dryers. We will spend all day washing our laundry and then we haul all 20 loads of laundry and get them dried.

 

It isn't fun. It isn't glamorous. But its what needs to be done.

 

Like I said, this has been our life. I don't think I ever REALLY complained. I might have wanted to. It took so long because we were trying to fix the dryer we had. We were given a used dryer that didn't work from the moment we got it downstairs. (not the persons fault who gave it to us!! We were thankful!! :)  )

Once the dryer caught on fire, we pretty much knew that it wasn't worth fixing anymore. LOL!!!

And BTW, we were so thankful for God's protection over us during the fire. Very unnerving. It could have been WAY WAY worse. Thankfully the only thing ruined was the dryer.

Last Friday, I sat down to do the bible study that I am currently doing. (Which is Beth Moore, Living Beyond Yourself) I sat down, and I really prayed that God would speak to me. That He would make Himself real to me.

This is what I wrote in my journal and in my workbook......

Matt 6:8 ~ Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Lord, we need a dryer. It's a genuine need. Lord, somehow, please provide a dryer.

Matt 6:32-33 ~ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Thank you for knowing my need. Help me to seek your kingdom first. I don't really know how to do that. My faith is wearing thin Lord. Its been so long without a dryer. How long must I be patient?? A dryer. Such a little thing to you. But such a big thing to me.

Please provide.

(and just because I obviously didn't get it with the 1st 2 verses, God gave me 1 more verse for good measure)

Romans 8:32 ~ He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Ok, Lord. I will wait. I will be patient. I will seek your kingdom 1st.

(earlier in the study, Beth had talked about Jesus feeding the 5,000.....isn't that SUCH a great story???)

These are the last 2 sentences in the study for that day.....

Is there a need you've placed before your Provider? Have you "given" Him ALL you have to offer, even if it's only a few loaves and fishes? Are you "sitting down" in a posture of trust and sitting quietly to receive it? If so, prepare the baskets!

Isn't that beautiful?!

This is the last thing that I wrote that day....

Yes, Lord, I will sit. I will wait. I will prepare the baskets ( I will prepare my laundry room by removing the old dryer and getting ready for the new one )

It's coming.....it's coming......it's coming....it's coming....

*immeasurably more, then I can ask or imagine*

The next morning, J and I were on Craiglist. We found a dryer, and we contacted the seller, and were excited to go get it.

In the meantime.....I got a phone call.

My little angel asked what our plans were for a dryer. I told our plans about how we were excited to go pick up this dryer we found.

She said that instead, she would like to take me out to get a new dryer.

What?? I was stunned!

I honestly didn't know what to say.

I tried to make excuses....

But she insisted.

So we made a date to go appliance shopping.

Appliance shopping.

(Wow!)

So we went.

She told me that God had laid it on her heart the night before that she was to do this. And that  instead of getting just a dryer, she wanted to get a washer and dryer. She wanted something that was going to last. Something that we didn't have to worry about, something that wasn't going to catch on fire. She hated worrying for us.

I was truly overwhelmed. Truly.

I was overwhelmed at the generosity. At the thoughtfulness.

I was overwhelmed at how God DOES see, just like He had told me the day before. THE DAY BEFORE!!! God spoke to me the day before and told me to prepare my baskets.....that it was coming.

Oh Yes Lord......it's coming. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming.

It came.

They were delivered today.

What. an. exciting. day!!!

Have you ever seen such a beautiful washer and dryer??

I have about 20 loads of laundry to do. I am amazed at how much fits in the tub.

Oh yes. Immeasurably more then we can ask or imagine.

Oh my dear friends.

My God's not dead.

My God is surely alive.

He walks with me and He talks with me.

He proves Himself faithful over and over and over again.

Seek Him. With your whole heart.

That's all He wants.

My little helper....

 

Tonight, I pray God's blessing over my little Angel. I pray that God blesses her just as much as she blessed me. And I pray that she got just as much joy from doing this as I got from seeing God work in my life.

The poor

Luke 14:12-14 then Jesus said to his host, when you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed. Although, they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.

If there is one thing I know about baptists is that we like to eat. When people get together....food is involved. I can't even begin to count the number of fellowships I have been to in my life.

But not once have I heard of a fellowship where the poor, the crippled, the lame and the blind have been invited too.

Not once.

We don't want to get our precious church buildings dirty.

Soup kitchen?

Nope.

Can't get our building dirty.

Closet for homeless people?

Nope.

Don't you know... Those people take advantage.

And they get our building dirty.

Food pantry?

Nope.

We have no room!!

We can't clutter up our church building for the needs of the poor the crippled the lame and the blind.

Coffee shop in our church?

No way! That could only be for the "church people."

The world might come in and....you know.... Dirty our building.

It's just so sad.

I want something different.

I want to be different.

I don't want to see "those people" I want to see souls that Christ hung on the cross for.

I have watched as my dear friends have given their life, their home, their time and their money to "those people." It's not easy. It gets messy. It gets hard. It gets tiring. They have had property stolen, they have had threats made to them.....but still.... They are serving. Giving of their time, their hearts and their lives. They are making a difference wherever God tells them.

Luke 6:35-36 but love your enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I wanna be like that.

This year....my New Years resolution isn't to read the bible( done that...wont do it again) in a year or to lose a few pounds (although I could stand to do that!!) it's to FOLLOW HARD after Christ. I want to live a life that is led by the Holy Spirit. I want to live a life that is for others and not for myself. I want God to use me.

Broken.

Do I have enough courage to ask God to break me?