Made to Crave

Mark 8:34~ If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

"With Jesus, if we want to gain we must give up. If we want to be filled we must deny ourselves. If we want to truly get close to God, we'll have to distance ourselves from other things. If we want to conquer our cravings, we'll have to redirect them to God. God made us capable of craving so we'd have an unquenchable desire for more of Him and Him alone. Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only one capable of satisfying them."

What amazing stuff right there. I truly want to be close to God. I. want. to. be. filled. Not with crappy food. But with Christ.

The story of the rich man is such a great lesson for us. The rich man goes to Jesus and says...hey, I have followed all the rules. I have done what I should and still felt like he was missing something. His soul was still longing for something. Something that just keeping rules and regulations will never fill. Jesus says that all he has to do is sell his possessions, give his money to the poor and follow him. But the rich man can't do that. "The rich man goes away sad b/c he won't give up the one thing that consumes him. He is so full with his riches he can't see how undernourished his soul is." Imagine Jesus looking through the crowd straight to the rich man's soul and saying.....I want you to give up the one thing that you crave more then me. Then come, follow me.

Piercing thought isn't it?

Suddenly Jesus isn't staring at the rich young man; He's also staring at me-the inside me. The part I can't cover up with excuses and makeup. God sees my heart, He sees what my desires and my cravings are. He sees what I place before him.

Maybe your looking at me and saying....good grief you tub of lard, your making such a big deal over food. Well.....for me it's food. But what is it for you? What is it that comes between you and God in your life? Where do you turn in times of heartache and sadness? Or in times or boredom? Is it shopping? Or alcohol? Or sex? Is it drugs? Is it tv? What is it? Maybe it's none of these. Ask God to open your eyes to what it is and He will show you.

He will say to you.....give up the one thing you crave more then me and then come follow me.

Don't judge me to harshly before you attempt to give something up.

I have not done well this week. Food wise, I guess I'm OK. I have stayed under my calories, but I feel myself compromising this week. I feel myself slipping back into the old ways that I thought.

I don't want to go back. I refuse to go back.

1 day this week, I ate a cheeseburger for lunch. I was making them for the school lunch. And it looked good. It smelled good. I just plain ol' WANTED it. I counted up the calories and realized that it really wasn't that bad of a choice. I had the calories to eat it and so I did. And I enjoyed every single delicious bite of it. ( I might have licked the plate if I were alone!! ;) )

But then that night as I was thinking over my day. I regretted that cheeseburger. I could have made a wiser choice for lunch. I could have chosen something else that would have filled me and not left me with a shameful feeling in the end.

I know that I need something bigger then myself to keep me going. I need a "spiritual want-to empowered by God himself" to push me forward.

Lord, I need you. I need you to fill me with yourself so you and I can deal with these cravings.I want to go deeper with you. I want more and more and more of YOU. Please remind me to eat beneficial food for me and not the food I want at that fleeting moment. Help me to remember that this journey is NOT about counting calories it's about being filled with you. I don't want to be so consumed with calorie counting that I forget to seek you.

"Day by Day, God will give me enough want-to, laced with enough strength to be satisfied be healthy choices."

I have really struggled this week with knowing what food is a hindrance to me and what is beneficial to me. I have a calorie counting app on my phone that helps keep me accountable to what I put in my mouth. I have found it easy to get wrapped up in how many calories I am consuming and have kinda forgotten about the real reason why I am doing this. I have gotten puffed up at the number of weight that I have lost and forgotten to look at the one who has given me the strength to even get through 1 day. In turn I have gotten discouraged b/c the scale did not move this week. It is so easy to get caught up in the numbers of the whole journey and not focus on the changes that are going on in my heart and mind.

I love this verse is Hosea 10:12~Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love and break up your unplowed ground: for it is time to seek the Lord.

That's quite a verse isn't it.

Today Lord, may I deny myself, my you break up my unplowed ground. It is time to seek you.
(words in italics are taken from the book Made to Crave)

What is your next choice?

Has come to the conclusion that any cookie, no matter what the kind, when put into the oven will make you want to consume it, even if you don't like that particular kind. Just sayin.

Made to Crave

Well I have to say that last night was probably the hardest night that I have had while on this journey.

Seriously.

It was rough.

I don't know about you, but I have always been taught that calories don't count when you are with your girlfriends.

I don't know who started that. But it's a bold face lie.

Calories do count when you are with your girlfriends.

I will openly admit that I am BRAND NEW when it comes to counting calories. BRAND NEW.

I have never given thought to how many calories I should consume in a day or given even LESS thought to how many I was actually consuming. For a good week to week and a half, I have been keeping track of EVERY thing that I put in my mouth. Everything is counted. I have tried to keep my caloric intake around 1200. And I have done well. I'm not hungry at the end of the day and that to me is what matters.

Last night was the HUGE eye opener for me.

I went to dinner with my girlfriends last night. I being the good calorie counter looked 1st at the calories of what it is I wanted.

I immediately went to the double steakburger and ginormous fries with a side of blessed cherry coke.

Guess how many calories?? Over 1600!!!! For 1 meal! And that isn't including the 500 I could have consumed with the brownie sundae for dessert.

That.

is.

a.

sin.

2 months ago I wouldn't have given thought to ordering that. I would have said.....well, I want it, that's what I am going to eat.

So I thought......Ok, I will see about just a regular cheeseburger and small fry with maybe only 1 glass of coke.

Still 1000 calories. A 1000 calories!!!! That's crazy talk as my brother would say.

So instead, I begrudgingly ordered the southwest chicken salad with no chicken. It was good. It was filling. And I will order it again. (For the $7.50 that it was, I should have had twice as much as I was given.) I also had about 3 tall glasses of water. (so you can imagine where I was the rest of the night!! )

I consumed 300-350 calories last night and stayed within my calorie intake for the day. I was proud of myself for that. Yes, last night was hard. My flesh CRAVED that cheeseburger, fries, coke and brownie sundae.

If it were not for my friends (they literally told the waitress that if I order some dessert that she wasn't allowed to bring it to me.) who stopped me from throwing in the towel last night at what I have worked so hard for, I would have given in to that temptation. I would have woken up this morning and felt guilty for what I had done to to my body. To my body that doesn't belong to me. You see it is Christ's. He dwells in me. I need to treat my body with respect and feed it food that is beneficial to me. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

So today. I am thankful for my friends who kept me accountable to myself and to God. I am THANKFUL that they didn't let me order that brownie sundae. I am thankful that they reminded me of my goal and made me remember that calories DO count. Even when you are with your girlfriends.

Made To Crave

1 of the places that kinda holds a special place in my heart is Beef A Roo. I know. I know. Not a typical place of endearment. BUT....it's where Hunny and I dated. A lot. I would get the 3 piece chicken strip meal and only be able to eat 2 pieces so he would get the last piece of chicken. And he would get usually the ham N swiss combo.

Have I mentioned the fries over there at Beef A Roo? No, I haven't. They really should be listed under my blog post title...things I love. They are almost the perfect fry. You can smother them with cheese or just plain ketchup and salt, the way I prefer. Yes. Beef A Roo holds many memories for us. We used to go to the old fashioned one on the south side of town. I used to always play the song yellow polka dot bikini on the juke box. :)

Since Hunny has been back to working nights for the past couple weeks, I was able to take a lunch break last week and go to lunch with him. ( Thanks Doug!!)

I will admit that I was slightly worried about what I was going to eat for lunch. What I REALLY wanted was that 3 piece chicken strip meal with the golden french fries drizzled with ketchup and salt with a tall glass of ice cold Mt Dew. THAT'S what I really wanted.

But......

What I got was the southwest black bean salad with a giant glass of lemon water. And if you are wondering yes, I did eat the sour cream. But I didn't eat the fried shredded tortilla chips.

While Hunny was up getting the food I had a heart to heart with God. I told him that what I really wanted was fries and that I didn't really think it was necessary that I not be able to have them. I told him that while I chose that salad that I didn't even know if I would like, what I really needed was for him to fill me, for him to satisfy my hunger and not make me hungry for more.

It was hard. I have to admit it. There were many times I looked longingly at Hunny's fries and ice glass of Mt. Dew.

But my prayer was answered.

I left the table that day satisfied. I didn't NEED even 1 of Hunny's fries. I am very grateful that God gave me the victory that day.

If I did it. Then you can to.

What will your next choice be?

Roller Skating

Wednesday night we had our annual church roller skating night. My kids look forward to this night so very much. And honestly....it is a fun night. Although I hate it when Hunny isn't there. I really do feel like half of me is missing.



Brother was a little unsure....just for a second. :) Then he was off. I couldn't get Dada to hold still for a second to snatch a picture of her. The thing she talks about most is going around with Tim and Amber...2 of the college kids. She said that she had never gone so FAST!!



Not everyone goes to skate. But what I love about our church is that it doesn't stop people from coming to fellowship with each other. Don't want to skate?? Let's play phase 10 then!! :)



Zach. My heart still melts at his smile.





Before you feel to bad for Beth b.c I posted this picture of her. Just know that she purposely posed with that face. (I think it was b/c Brad might have stunk.....he he)

Brother and his scooter

For Christmas Brother got an electric scooter. He was been waiting with anticipation for the snow to melt so he can ride his scooter. Well....the day has arrived. Last night Daddy and Brother put it together and had it charging all night. Hunny and I woke up this morning to Brother riding it through the house. :)



To say he likes it is the understatement of the year. He was outside this morning till he said he felt like his fingers were going to fall off. And just so you know...I did offer him gloves. ;)

College Kids

Last Sunday we had the opportunity to have the college kids over. What a fun day we had. I enjoy having the college kids. Its a day for them to just chill out. They can finish homework, take a nap, chill out....OR visit the local goodwill!! ;) They have no pressure on them to do anything other then have a great time. They do enough serving at our church I say!! When they come to our house it is a time for our family to serve them.



I had found a great deal on turkey a while back and had great plans of making shredded turkey sandwiches for the college kids. BUT....if you know me at all, you realize how forgetful I am. I forgot all about the fact that they were coming over until Friday. I didn't think it would be enough time to thaw and cook a whole turkey.




So plan B went into effect.

I figured....college kids.....what do college kids like that they don't normally get on a Sunday lunch. PANCAKES!! Who doesn't love pancakes!?!?



And a hit they were. I thought Lori might wet her pants when I told her what we were having!! :)



I made apple cinnamon, banana walnut, choc chip, and regular pancakes. Everyone chose their favorite and dug in!!



For some reason I failed to get a picture of Brian. Sorry!! :(



I will have to tell you that I. LOVE. PANCAKES. Especially banana walnut pancakes. I ALMOST broke down and ate 1. But thankfully Lori and Mary literally would not let me. :)



So instead...this is what I ate.



After all were stuffed to the very top of their heads....Lori and Tim jumped up and started the dishes. They didn't ask. They just started doing it. And refused to let me cut in. I so appreciated that.

Lori and Tim will be married early summer. I am hoping to be able to make the trip to the wedding. I have grown to really love my dear Lori and will miss her dearly when she leaves.

Made to Crave

This Made to Crave journey is so much harder then I ever thought it would be. People have commented to me that I am just not myself. They are wondering what is wrong with me. The truth is that I don't really feel "myself." My old self would...be stressed-eat a cookie.... get annoyed with a co-worker-eat a brownie....have a fight with my husband- soothe myself with a wonderful bubbly diet coke.....have no patience for your fighting children- ice cream will melt away the frustration.

Now, I still have those same triggers....annoying co-workers, fights with my husband, no patience for the kids. But my immediate....go to comfort has been taken away from me. It is hard, so hard to really rely on Christ during these moments. There isn't always this " A-Ha MOMENT" where Christ just takes away my cravings and makes me suddenly full of the spirit and has me jumping and shouting for joy. It's actually quite the opposite. I feel empty. I feel alone. I feel dissatisfied. I feel jipped because EVERYONE else can have whatever it is they want and I can't!!! I want to throw myself a pity party. I feel like if only I could eat just a B.I.T.E of that gooey chocolaty brownie my feelings would dissolve and everything would be made better. Everything would magically go away and my world would be made right once again.

I.

Am.

Unsettled.

I am not in my comfort zone of Christianity where I sort of know what to expect and sort of know what to do. This journey of craving Christ above all else has my emotions going crazy.

I honestly wonder if I am going through some sort of withdraw.

I do NOT want to quit this journey. I know that for once, I have given myself over completely to something. To a purpose bigger then myself. I have purposely put myself in a place of relying on something other then myself and food for what I need.

I have been discouraged this week. I will admit it. I have tried and tried and tried SO hard. I have not cheated. I have eaten only food that is necessary for my body. And the scale has went back up this week. It can be very discouraging. I will have to say that the mear fact that I have done so well is a victory in and of itself. So today, I will determine that no matter what the scale says, I will rejoice b/c with Christ's help, I am doing something.

I don't exactly know what Christ is doing in me. I know that b/c I do feel empty. B/c I do feel alone and dissatisfied, I have in turn yearned...craved for Christ this week. I have longed to meet with Him. I have begged Him to rid me of these cravings. I have had to rely on HIS strength to get me from 1 craving to the next. I have longed to hear his voice. And it's been with a deeper passion that I have ever known before.

There is a line to a song that I love...... The more of us we fill, the more that we become hollow.....the line has hit me so hard these past weeks. I can try and fill, fill, fill, with food that I don't need. I can sooth myself with everything else other then the thing that I most need and long for. And until I am filled with Christ nothing else will satisfy me. N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

Today, I refuse to quit. I refuse to fill myself with food not necessary for me. I refuse to allow satan victory in my life. I refuse to walk around defeated. I refuse to make my stomach my god. I refuse to let the numbers on the scale to define who I am. The number just weighs my body. My real worth is in my heart and soul. I will allow Christ to complete the work in me. I will walk in the spirit. I will allow Christ to be seen in me.

Today, if you see me and wonder if I'm not myself or what is wrong with me. I would have to say nothing. Christ is just working on me. He is chiseling away the flaws. He is healing past hurts in my life. (which is a whole nother blog post) He is forming me into his image.

I encourage you today to allow God to work in your heart. Let him chisel the rough edges. I can promise you that it won't be easy. I can promise you that you will feel like giving up. I will promise you that it just might one of the hardest things that you have ever done. But I will promise you that it will be worth it all in the end. I can promise you that you will see God in a whole new and wonderful way.

What will your next choice be? Will it be one that honors God or self?

Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!....I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Proverbs 10:3

The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry but he thwarts the cravings of the wicked.

Made to CraVe

Never did I think that a simple little verse hidden in the book of Proverbs would play such an important part in my day.

Proverbs 4:25~Let your gaze look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.

Never did I think that during the course of my day to follow would that verse be the one to keep me on track....

You see, I have a goal this year. My goal is to Crave God more then I crave food. I don't mean I'm not going to eat. But I am going to practice Self-control and when I crave.....whatever.....turtle cookies, concrete mixers, blessed sweet coke a cola, you name it, whatever I CrAve at that moment, I desire to replace Christ with that craving.

This particular day I was making corn dogs at school. Now corn dogs I can honestly say that I have never really CRAVED. I really could leave them. We don't normally buy them and have them around the house. But this day, I was hungry, I hadn't taken the time to stop and eat a proper breakfast, and once I started smelling that tantalizing corn dog. I wanted it. I desired it. I LONGED for it. All I could think about at that moment was taking just a bite, a teeny tiny bite of that wonderful corn dog.

I started out joking with people that they better stop me if I was going to start to eat it. But the more time that went on the more and more angry I got. I just wanted a bite. Everyone else could eat one. Even my helper who has to watch the carbs she eats was eating some. Why couldn't I just eat it.

I honestly started to feel like a crack addict going through withdrawal. I was shaky and CrAbBy!!!

But then God.....

Brought to my mind this simple little verse that he had instilled in my heart and soul in the quiet of my morning.

Let your gaze look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.

Let my gaze look straight ahead to my goal. To the thing that I wanted more then the corn dog. I desired to know my God more. Fix my gaze directly before me. Don't be distracted by that corn dog, or bowl of mac and cheese that was calling my name that day also. Don't turn to the left or turn to the right. I want my focus to be solely before me to the God that is calling me for more then food.

So right then, instead of slathering that corn dog in ketchup and chowing it down, I stopped what I was doing a made my lunch of veggies. And they were WONDERFUL. They filled me up. I was satisfied with food that was convenient for me. I saved myself about 250 calories.

I am so thankful for the little verse. I still go back to it when I think of how bad I just hAvE to have whatever in that moment. But today, my gaze is fixed ahead.

Another verse that has been so helpful to me is...
1 Corinthians 6:12~Everything is permissible for me but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me but I will not be mastered by anything.

I am ALLOWED to eat whatever I want. No one is stopping me from eating anything. But just b/c I CAN eat something doesn't mean that I should. So while my friends tell me that just 1 bite of that cookie is ok, I really desire for now to stay away from it. And by the strength of God, and ONLY by the strength of God, I can say that I made it another day. Another day where I honored God with my choices.

I will say that I am SHOCKED with the choices I have made. If you knew me at all before you would be SHOCKED yourself to know that a major milestone was crossed this past weekend. I made it through the ladies meeting at church and only ate a salad and a sugar free dessert. I RESISTED Linda Whitfords most amazing delicious quite perfect in its wonderfulness homemade sugar cookies. It was hard. But I did it. I also didn't cheat while at our church fellowship the next day. Which is quite the feat if you have ever been to a baptist fellowship. We Baptist KNOW how to eat!!! I brought my own bag of veggies and cooked them up and ate a ginormous amount for lunch that day!! And the kicker for me was the super bowl party that I went to where they had my absolute MOST favorite......ruffles potato chips and french onion dip. You have no idea how many times I walked past that chip tray and just want to shove my face in and swallow the whole thing!! =) I have never used self-control like that before. Ever. I would have said that I couldn't do it.

But by the grace of God......... He gave me the strength to remain in him.

After all, remember the ultimate goal of this journey isn't about making me a smaller sized person but rather making me crave Jesus and his truths as the ultimate filler of my heart. We are to remain is his healthy perspective. Let His thoughts be our thoughts. Remain. Let His ways be our ways. Remain. Let His truths go to the depths of our hearts and produce good things in our lives. Remain. Approach this world full of incomplete people with the joy of Jesus. Remain. And see our skinny jeans as a fun reward, nothing more. Remain. And be led forth in peace b/c I have kept my happy tied only to Jesus. Remain.
~ taken from Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst

I am so thankful that God placed this book in my life. Seriously.....buy the book.

Made to Crave

Did anyone else follow the Made to Crave segments on Klove? I don't think that I have ever enjoyed a radio segment as much as I did those. I am not usually the kind of person who runs out and buys whatever anyone is selling. But I couldn't wait to get my hands on a copy of the book.


I have taken my time reading the book. There is SO much information in the book and I don't want to hurry through it and miss a little nugget of information. It has REALLY made a huge influence in how I think about the things that I crave.


Crave~have a craving, appetite or great desire for: Plead or ask for earnestly: to long for, yearn


What is it that you CrAvE in this life? What do you go to when you are celebrating something, or have a no good, rotten, very bad day? Where do you turn when your world is being turned upside down. Where do you go when you feel unloved or unwanted?


I know what it is for me.

What God wants is for us to CrAve him for then we crave anything else.


I desire to crave God more then I crave anything else. I want to place God 1st in my life above anything else.


So please tell me.....anyone else read this book? What has it meant to you. I am sure that my friends are sick of me talking about it. I think every day I want to tell something else that I have learned from it.

A perfect way to spend a snow day....

Last week we were blessed with 2 snow days. How excited we were. Tuesday night the kids and I were huddled around the tv watching the news to see if our school was closed. Dada was the 1st to see it and you would have thought she won the lottery. She started jumping up and down screaming, running through the house. The she actually started crying b/c she couldn't contain herself. I laughed and laughed and laughed.


Hunny had to work on Thursday which worked out b/c I was able to babysit Joanna's kids while she worked. My mom also came over for a visit....aka cookie making time. =) Since Jessica had to work, Mom also brought Jessica's kids.




The kids enjoyed their favorite lunch of Mac N Cheese with olives on the side....yuck.....and Mom and I made a delicious salad.




My Mom made oatmeal craisin cookies. Dada preferred to just pick out the craisins since those are 1 of her favorite things.

But all the kids were begging for more.




Funny story about the picture of my Mom. I walked into the kitchen to find my Mom scrubbing her baking sheet with my potato masher. =) She had never seen the pampered chef potato masher and she thought it was a flimsy scraper. She wondered why it didn't work so well!!!!





The kids and I made sugar cookies. I LOVE SUGAR COOKIES.


LoVe.


ThEm.



Micah was Mr. Cookie Maker. I think that he enjoys baking just as much as I do.



Grandma was impressed with Dada's knowledge in the kitchen.




These 2 yahoo's could care less about baking....until the comment was made that if they didn't help they wouldn't be able to eat the cookies.




That changed their impression of baking REAL quick. :)




I will have to say that there wasn't a mess under the table until Ethan and Brother came to "help." =)




Soon it was time to ice and eat the cookies.




Thankfully little Mr slept for a little while so the older kids (and auntie) were able to enjoy baking with the older kids MUCH more.

I so enjoyed my day with my Mom. We shared recipes and just chit chatted. It was a PeRfEcT snow day.

Side note.....notice the cup and saucer on the shelf behind my Mom? That is the cup that Hunny broke. I was able to glue that handle on. =) It is now sitting in a place of honor....not to be touched. ;)

blizzard 2011.....

I heard from my internet friend Shanda that 1 day last week was national choc cake day. So....in honor of choc cake day, we made carrot cake. ;) with cream cheese frosting.

YuMmY!!!!

I have been CrAvInG carrot cake for QuIte a while now and since we celebrated my Mom's bday last week, I made one. FiNaLlY.

And.

It.

wAs.

GoOd.

Since this cake was full of carrots AND walnuts, it can't be ThAt bad for you right?!


I am very very sad to announce that my absolutely MoSt favorite coffee cup has been broken. I was doing laundry the other night and heard a crash coming from the kitchen right above the laundry room. I immediately had that sinking feeling and knew it wasn't good. Hunny was doing the dishes and.....well......you know what happened next.

He said that he was going to TRY to fix it before I found out, but couldn't get it. And he figured I just might notice a handle missing off my cup. ;)

I can't wait to go shopping for a new cup!! =)



In other news........

We have gotten just a LiTtLe bit of snow....Just a LiTtle.

I think I heard reports of 13.8 inches. I think we could use a couple more inches. I mean what's a couple more when you already have 13?

I know our family could use a couple more snow days!!

We went out in the middle of the storm last night and attempted to shovel part of the mess. It was of course pointless cuz by the time we were done, you could barely tell where we started. But we had fun, and it made me miss Joe and Steph. I was remembering the time that we all shoveled....I mean played in the snow.....1 night during a snow storm.




Brother was up at 6:30 this morning and by 7:30 was already ready to go play.



Which he and Sissy did.



The snow is very pretty today.



A perfect morning for pancakes and coffee. A perfect day for a big ol pot of homemade chicken noodle soup simmering on the stove.

Hunny was told yesterday not to come in to work till 11:30. Since we can't get out of the alley Hunny's dad came and picked him up. They made it to work only to find out that it's closed and he doesn't have to work. So Yah!!! He's on his way home!!

I lOvE snow days!!!!

Let's all hope and pray for another one tomorrow!!!!

I am so grateful for the safety that God has granted everyone during the storm. I know that people have been stranded on roads and in safe shelters, but I haven't heard of serious injuries or deaths due to the storm. That's a blessing!