The post I didn't want to ever write.....

I have written this post 100 times over and over again in my head. But it never sounds right. It never seems to give her due justice.

You see, almost 2 months ago, I lost my dear friend. It was all so sudden. The last time I talked with her, I knew she wasn't feeling well, but she was so excited bc Jason was going to go visit her. And she knew that would lift her spirits. 2 weeks later she was home from Arizona and a week later she was dead.

Dead.

After I heard the news that things were bad.....nothing in the world could have prepared me for when I walked into that hospital room. Gone was my vivacious, fun-loving friend. But instead......a very sick and dieing woman lay. Even still, on her death bed, she was filled with such peace. I think she knew that she would be meeting her Savior, and while she was sad that she was leaving her friends and family, she was meeting JESUS.

I remember the last real time I saw her. I took her to her chemo appointment, and was able to spend the day with her. She slept most of the time, and that was ok with me. It was nice to just be with her. To know that my presence was a source of comfort to her.

We laughed about the book I was reading. We cried over the situation that she was facing. We shared our hearts. You see, that's what we did.

I met Lori, goodness......7 - 8 years ago now?? Wow. We worked together for 6 years. 6 good years. In that time, we coached volleyball together, we coached cheer leading together, we watched each other grow to love God and our husbands more and more.

Lori taught me to LoVe coffee. She always had her coffee mug with her.

She taught me to love JH kids. She really did love that age group. So many people see that age group as an annoyance and almost they are another species....but she had a genuine heart for them. She treated them each with dignity and respect. And those kids KNEW she loved them.

She tried to teach me to love sushi. It didn't work. ;)

She taught me to love hats and scarves.

She taught me to love antiquing.

She taught me that kindness matters.

She was a classy woman. She loved everything feminine. Little earings and trinkets and broaches. She loved bracelets......she loved feeling like a woman. She taught me to embrace that.

We talked so much about God and what he was doing in our lives. We would talk about our frustrations and our struggles.

She new my desperate struggle to have a baby. You see she could relate to it. She knew and could FEEL my pain. She was the 1st person I told when I was pregnant with Emma. How we cried and rejoiced. Even though she knew at that point that she would never have a child of her very own, she rejoiced with me. And I wept for her.

We would spend hours talking about nothing and everything. Sometimes Jason would come and just sit with us. And sometimes, it was just the 2 of us. What precious memories those are to me.

How do you say goodbye to your friend?

Sometimes....I want to yell and scream bc she can't possibly be gone. I just want to talk to her one more time. So many times I will catch myself reaching for my phone bc I know she will find humor in....whatever.....

But then I remember.....

How do you say it?

I remember walking into her hospital room, knowing that without God himself intervening on her behalf she would soon be gone. How do I face her precious husband....who was her very world......and offer comfort when I myself am searching for comfort? But with Jesus on my lips and prayer in my heart, I walked in, and faced my goodbye......but not quite a goodbye.....for you see......I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I WILL see her again. For she is a child of the KING. She accepted him as her personal savior and because of that I will get to spend eternity with her.

Her legacy is one of strong faith, and a willingness to accept whatever God had for her here on earth. She never ONCE in my presence complained about her circumstances. And she had HARD days. But she was the face of grace. Calmly knowing that Gods strength was her strength.

I picture her now.....cheering us on. Looking down on us....her loved ones.....and just cheering us on. Saying You can do this life. I know this situation seems hard.....but you will make it. That God's strength will be your strength.

I think of my Lori each and every day. She is rarely far from my mind. I think of Jason and the loss and heartache that he is surely facing. I pray for him daily. That he knows Gods presence and comfort in these months and years to come.

It's not goodbye......

It's I'll see you later friend.

 CaNcEr SuCks

all these things will be given to you as well

We serve a good God.

This has been my life for the last couple months.

Usually on Sunday nights, J and I will head to the laundry mat and use the dryers. We will spend all day washing our laundry and then we haul all 20 loads of laundry and get them dried.

 

It isn't fun. It isn't glamorous. But its what needs to be done.

 

Like I said, this has been our life. I don't think I ever REALLY complained. I might have wanted to. It took so long because we were trying to fix the dryer we had. We were given a used dryer that didn't work from the moment we got it downstairs. (not the persons fault who gave it to us!! We were thankful!! :)  )

Once the dryer caught on fire, we pretty much knew that it wasn't worth fixing anymore. LOL!!!

And BTW, we were so thankful for God's protection over us during the fire. Very unnerving. It could have been WAY WAY worse. Thankfully the only thing ruined was the dryer.

Last Friday, I sat down to do the bible study that I am currently doing. (Which is Beth Moore, Living Beyond Yourself) I sat down, and I really prayed that God would speak to me. That He would make Himself real to me.

This is what I wrote in my journal and in my workbook......

Matt 6:8 ~ Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Lord, we need a dryer. It's a genuine need. Lord, somehow, please provide a dryer.

Matt 6:32-33 ~ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Thank you for knowing my need. Help me to seek your kingdom first. I don't really know how to do that. My faith is wearing thin Lord. Its been so long without a dryer. How long must I be patient?? A dryer. Such a little thing to you. But such a big thing to me.

Please provide.

(and just because I obviously didn't get it with the 1st 2 verses, God gave me 1 more verse for good measure)

Romans 8:32 ~ He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Ok, Lord. I will wait. I will be patient. I will seek your kingdom 1st.

(earlier in the study, Beth had talked about Jesus feeding the 5,000.....isn't that SUCH a great story???)

These are the last 2 sentences in the study for that day.....

Is there a need you've placed before your Provider? Have you "given" Him ALL you have to offer, even if it's only a few loaves and fishes? Are you "sitting down" in a posture of trust and sitting quietly to receive it? If so, prepare the baskets!

Isn't that beautiful?!

This is the last thing that I wrote that day....

Yes, Lord, I will sit. I will wait. I will prepare the baskets ( I will prepare my laundry room by removing the old dryer and getting ready for the new one )

It's coming.....it's coming......it's coming....it's coming....

*immeasurably more, then I can ask or imagine*

The next morning, J and I were on Craiglist. We found a dryer, and we contacted the seller, and were excited to go get it.

In the meantime.....I got a phone call.

My little angel asked what our plans were for a dryer. I told our plans about how we were excited to go pick up this dryer we found.

She said that instead, she would like to take me out to get a new dryer.

What?? I was stunned!

I honestly didn't know what to say.

I tried to make excuses....

But she insisted.

So we made a date to go appliance shopping.

Appliance shopping.

(Wow!)

So we went.

She told me that God had laid it on her heart the night before that she was to do this. And that  instead of getting just a dryer, she wanted to get a washer and dryer. She wanted something that was going to last. Something that we didn't have to worry about, something that wasn't going to catch on fire. She hated worrying for us.

I was truly overwhelmed. Truly.

I was overwhelmed at the generosity. At the thoughtfulness.

I was overwhelmed at how God DOES see, just like He had told me the day before. THE DAY BEFORE!!! God spoke to me the day before and told me to prepare my baskets.....that it was coming.

Oh Yes Lord......it's coming. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming.

It came.

They were delivered today.

What. an. exciting. day!!!

Have you ever seen such a beautiful washer and dryer??

I have about 20 loads of laundry to do. I am amazed at how much fits in the tub.

Oh yes. Immeasurably more then we can ask or imagine.

Oh my dear friends.

My God's not dead.

My God is surely alive.

He walks with me and He talks with me.

He proves Himself faithful over and over and over again.

Seek Him. With your whole heart.

That's all He wants.

My little helper....

 

Tonight, I pray God's blessing over my little Angel. I pray that God blesses her just as much as she blessed me. And I pray that she got just as much joy from doing this as I got from seeing God work in my life.

Of friends and Luminaries

 Look who came to visit his favorite Aunt Julie???

 Jon and Mel are in town for Christmas.

How I love it when they are home.

Jonas needed a special hug from Daddy. ;)

I think Jonas was a little apprehensive of all these crazy people at first.

 

Little Madelyn.

 

What a cutie!!

 

Look at those eyes!

 

The girls are paying a little more attention to each other now.

And the Mommy's have decided that all they need for Christmas are bags and boxes. No toys.

Hear that Grandma?? ;)

 We tried to get a group picture.....but well our photographer wasn't quite cooperating with us.

Thanks Maddie.

I love my babies.

 Maddie was having fun with the sled tonight.

Tonight was our first luminary night in the neighborhood. It's something I have wanted to do for years. I am glad we took the time to do it this year. I am even more thankful for good neighbors to do it with.

Maybe next year we can get the rest of the neighbors into it. It's such a great opportunity to meet the neighbors.

 

 

 

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas Season.

It seems a little less hectic this year then past years. I am so thankful for that.

 

Things I love....

I forced my family to take pictures today.

I think half of them threw a fit about it. ;)

It is really very nice to have my Maddie girl home.

Last night I fell asleep with happy thoughts of my little family all under one roof. :)

be still my heart......

I recently have found journals that I kept while Maddie and Nathan were little. I don't think I have ever been so glad to have something in my whole life.

It has helped me remember.....

....to see things in a different light

.....a happier light.

well, anyway....I am glad I kept them and I am glad I wrote them down.

It has also made me glad that I blog. I know I will look back years and years down the road and just.......

bE ThAnKful

For that is how I feel today.

things I love.....

The baby bullet......

I remember making Nathan's baby food. I can't say that he never had store bought baby food, but I will say that he had a minimal amount.

It wasn't hard to to. But it can be time consuming.

This time around.

I found the baby bullet system.

When I first saw it, I thought whatever. Just another gimmick.

But then I paid a little bit more attention to it and have to say that I really like it.  It's something that can be used for more then just baby food making.

So we decided to jump in and make the investment.

I am so very glad that we did.

This is the steamer.

It will steam a sweet potato in 13 minutes. Perfectly.

I have a half a butternut squash in it in this picture.

It took about 18 min to steam it. Perfectly.

It cost me.....maybe $2.00 and I have 6 full cups of baby food and each cup will feed her 1 days worth of food.

The 1st night I fed her the squash is the 1st night that she finished all the food. I was pretty happy with her.

I decided that sense I was already making baby food I would go ahead and make some corn from the leftover ears of corn we had from dinner.

A weeks worth of baby food cost me a whole 66 cents and it took me about 5 min start to finish to make.

This is the blender. It also has another cup and blade that you can use to mill oatmeal and other grains. (I haven't done that yet.)

And these are the cups/container that you can freeze the food with. The white one is 1 piece and you put the food into that and once it is frozen you pop the individual food out and put it in a Ziploc bag. (I had already made green beans another night and that is what is in the bag to the side.)

It also come with the little green cups. Besides the fact that they are adorable, they are handy for traveling or storing food in the fridge.

I have to say that I have actually had fun making her food. As she grows, I look forward to seeing what other concoctions I can come up with.

And don't worry......I did not put salt in her food. I had used it in our food that night and it was just sitting there.

Things I LoVe.....

Summer Vacation is only 1 week away!

I know my teacher friends are very excited. I on the other hand.....well.....I will enjoy it for a little bit and then wish that we had summer school. ;)

Yesterday after school I took the kids to the greenhouse. I have been needing to get some geraniums and some vegetables for my garden.

Maddie was busy looking for the primose flower. We never did find it. Any guesses where she heard about that flower??

I could get lost in the greenhouse.

Love......vegetables.

Nathan wanted to get peppers. He doesn't eat them, but he wanted to get them.

Maddie wanted to get pickes. She does eat pickles. And we got cucumbers. Not for me to pickle mind you, just so she can eat the cucumbers. I am not a pickler.

Love..... hanging baskets.

Love....... Pinterest idea.

Well..I didn't exactly nail it.

I don't know what the white is all about on the pots and I still have to stencil the pot. But I like the idea.

Love...... the perfect color of toenail polish which I have been searching for. Mango Madness is the name. Sally Hanson is the brand. Who would have thought the cheap brand from walmart would have the color I wanted. I literally was searching every place I could think of for this color. Pathetic I know.

I wish I could say goodbye to the dogs which leaves bare spots in the yard.

 I mean....hey, does anyone want 2 free dogs???

I am thankful for Nathan and Daddy who pick up the dog poop.

Love......my garden that needs some working in. I also wish I could say goodbye to the neighbor who put his boat in the middle of the garden.....oh and his trailer. His house is for sale. Anyone want to buy a house??

I am waiting to till. Our tiller is out of commission at the present moment. I am impatiently patiently waiting for it to get fixed. I even tried bribery. ;) It didn't work. :(

Love..... flower pots.... and 44 cent geraniums.

Love..... bacon wrapped asparagus. You are a welcome new favorite. My friend Liz talked about these on her blog yesterday.

They are really good. I had to take a picture of them because I wanted to show my friend Bonnie and Elaine. They had me drooling at work over the weekend talking about food. Asparagus in particular. Now I hope I have them drooling. ;)

Love.... home made signs hung on boys bedroom doors. Can you read it?? I am so glad I am the exception. I wonder if Emma counts?

She is a gril.....

I'll have to ask him about Emma before I let her go into his room. ;)

Not kiding.

Haven't decided if this is a love...... boys who write in permanent marker in the garage.

 Yes, I love you to Maddie, I mean Nathan, but really??? on the wall??

My Dad would have tanned my hide.

Def. not a love..... gun holes in the window.

 No one is fessing up to this. But there are only 2 culprits. And they are both male.

Love........ vines growing.


Not sure I quite like how I have it.

What do you think?

What would you plant in these pots? They get a lot of sun and are facing the south side of the house. They get very warm in the summer.

Any ideas?