The post I didn't want to ever write.....

I have written this post 100 times over and over again in my head. But it never sounds right. It never seems to give her due justice.

You see, almost 2 months ago, I lost my dear friend. It was all so sudden. The last time I talked with her, I knew she wasn't feeling well, but she was so excited bc Jason was going to go visit her. And she knew that would lift her spirits. 2 weeks later she was home from Arizona and a week later she was dead.

Dead.

After I heard the news that things were bad.....nothing in the world could have prepared me for when I walked into that hospital room. Gone was my vivacious, fun-loving friend. But instead......a very sick and dieing woman lay. Even still, on her death bed, she was filled with such peace. I think she knew that she would be meeting her Savior, and while she was sad that she was leaving her friends and family, she was meeting JESUS.

I remember the last real time I saw her. I took her to her chemo appointment, and was able to spend the day with her. She slept most of the time, and that was ok with me. It was nice to just be with her. To know that my presence was a source of comfort to her.

We laughed about the book I was reading. We cried over the situation that she was facing. We shared our hearts. You see, that's what we did.

I met Lori, goodness......7 - 8 years ago now?? Wow. We worked together for 6 years. 6 good years. In that time, we coached volleyball together, we coached cheer leading together, we watched each other grow to love God and our husbands more and more.

Lori taught me to LoVe coffee. She always had her coffee mug with her.

She taught me to love JH kids. She really did love that age group. So many people see that age group as an annoyance and almost they are another species....but she had a genuine heart for them. She treated them each with dignity and respect. And those kids KNEW she loved them.

She tried to teach me to love sushi. It didn't work. ;)

She taught me to love hats and scarves.

She taught me to love antiquing.

She taught me that kindness matters.

She was a classy woman. She loved everything feminine. Little earings and trinkets and broaches. She loved bracelets......she loved feeling like a woman. She taught me to embrace that.

We talked so much about God and what he was doing in our lives. We would talk about our frustrations and our struggles.

She new my desperate struggle to have a baby. You see she could relate to it. She knew and could FEEL my pain. She was the 1st person I told when I was pregnant with Emma. How we cried and rejoiced. Even though she knew at that point that she would never have a child of her very own, she rejoiced with me. And I wept for her.

We would spend hours talking about nothing and everything. Sometimes Jason would come and just sit with us. And sometimes, it was just the 2 of us. What precious memories those are to me.

How do you say goodbye to your friend?

Sometimes....I want to yell and scream bc she can't possibly be gone. I just want to talk to her one more time. So many times I will catch myself reaching for my phone bc I know she will find humor in....whatever.....

But then I remember.....

How do you say it?

I remember walking into her hospital room, knowing that without God himself intervening on her behalf she would soon be gone. How do I face her precious husband....who was her very world......and offer comfort when I myself am searching for comfort? But with Jesus on my lips and prayer in my heart, I walked in, and faced my goodbye......but not quite a goodbye.....for you see......I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I WILL see her again. For she is a child of the KING. She accepted him as her personal savior and because of that I will get to spend eternity with her.

Her legacy is one of strong faith, and a willingness to accept whatever God had for her here on earth. She never ONCE in my presence complained about her circumstances. And she had HARD days. But she was the face of grace. Calmly knowing that Gods strength was her strength.

I picture her now.....cheering us on. Looking down on us....her loved ones.....and just cheering us on. Saying You can do this life. I know this situation seems hard.....but you will make it. That God's strength will be your strength.

I think of my Lori each and every day. She is rarely far from my mind. I think of Jason and the loss and heartache that he is surely facing. I pray for him daily. That he knows Gods presence and comfort in these months and years to come.

It's not goodbye......

It's I'll see you later friend.

 CaNcEr SuCks