Made to Crave

Lord, I have felt so much like giving up lately. I don't really know why. Nothing has really happened of late. It's just a small voice asking me if all of this is really worth it. I know that it is worth it. I think I just feel like quite the failure sometimes. Not in 1 giant way. But in 1,000 little ones. This made to crave journey is so much harder then I would have ever imagined. I wonder if I can really even call it a made to crave journey any more! ;) I have allowed some sweets into my life. The crazy thing to me is that now is when I have started losing weight again. I am smart about what I eat. If I do eat something "bad" then I don't pig out on it anymore. And I make sure that I get my exercise in for that day. But, still that food that is not beneficial to me is what I choose to eat. If you have eaten the peanut butter M&M's then you know what I am talking about!! ;)

I have said from the beginning that this isn't about losing weight. That it's about craving God above all else. I desire to crave God above my craving for those wonderfully perfect M&M's. But I wonder if I have sort of deceived myself. You see. I do want to lose weight. I was stuck at 10 pounds for 4 weeks. 4 weeks and not a single pound lost. To say that I was frustrated is the understatement of the year!! I was eating right and exercising but NOT LOSING ANYTHING!! So finally under the advice of my wise friend....I pigged out 1 night. I didn't gorge myself. And by the end of the week I was down 2 pounds!! FINALLY!!

I say all that to say.....that, yes, I desire to know God. I want him to feed me with some real truth from his word. But I DO want to lose weight also. And somehow....somehow the 2 corelate.

I think I would do ok if it weren't for school. We start making lunch and the smell of the cookies or the brownies sends all my resolve out the window. That craving smacks me across the face and almost demands me to eat it.

I do have to wonder if that is how an addict feels about his drugs. It's almost something that you just have no control over. No power to stop. I feel almost powerless when it comes to these cravings.

But then God.......

Then God reminds me of the truth of his word.

I know a couple things about God.....

1. God always makes a way of escape.

2.This craving is not bigger then God.

3. God will not give me something that is bigger then I can handle.

1 Corin 10:13~There hath no temptation taken you but such as in common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

This verse is proof of all things truths to me.

Another thing I know is that God is the one who has kept me even TRYING to do this. If it were just me myself and I, I would probably be shoving fist fulls of M&M's into my mouth right about now. :0

So the truth of this journey is this.....

-yes, it is hard

-yes, I have cheated

-but I am still continuing toward this long term goal that I have.

-I haven't given up

-I still desire for God to be real in my life

-I still desire God to use my life for his glory and honor

-and God HAS made his power real in my life by just the meer fact that we are going on not quite 2 months of this and he alone has sustained me. Even when I have felt like giving up and felt like nothing was happening and it just plain wasn't worth it to me.

- I have lost 13 pounds!!

Psalm 73:2~But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps has well nigh slipped,

~ 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I have been reminded of a friend who is fighting some very real and very angry demons right now. I am sure that she is fighting some very real cravings in her life. Today, even more then I want the victory in my life over this "little, seemingly insignificant" demon of sugar. I beg you to give her the victory in her life. She is in a battle for her life. Pour your grace on her life Lord. Keep her safe. Show her your power today. Draw her to you in a very real and remarkable way. MAKE her to crave you more then anything else.