Here is the link to the actual letter
I received this letter from a young lady last week—a Bible college student who grew up in a Christian home and Christian school. I believe it’s the saddest letter I’ve ever read and right on the mark for so detailing the experiences of so many young Christians. I asked her permission to post it. Please read. Her words will greatly challenge you as a parent or pastor:
Dear Pastor Schmidt,
A few years ago, I read your books Hook, Line, and Sinker, Discover Your Destiny, and Life Quest. I found them to be extremely encouraging and instructive. These books showed me that not only do you have a real heart for young people, but you also understand us well. I am writing to ask you to consider writing a book to our parents and youth workers. Let me explain.
I am a junior at a well-known Christian college. I grew up in highly respected “fundamental independent Baptist” churches, and went to excellent Christian schools. My father has been a Christian worker since before I was born. One would think that my testimony would go something like this:
“I was saved when I was about 5 and I had dedicated my life to God and I have been growing a lot and serving Him and now I’m studying to serve Him full time.” But that isn’t my story. Actually, though I did make a profession of faith when I was very young, I didn’t get saved until I was 17. Since I was 12 and now on into college I have struggled with “serious” issues. And I found out when I went to college that I am not the only “good kid” who is or has struggled with or is still struggling with serious stuff. We struggle with issues like eating disorders, depression and suicide, cutting, pornography, gender identity, homosexuality, drugs, drinking, immorality, and the list could go on. We listen to “wild” music, we idolize pop culture’s heroes, we watch dirty sitcoms. We have no discrimination in our entertainment, dress, or any aspect of our lifestyle. Obviously, I’m generalizing our problems—you would not find that every Christian young person from a conservative background struggles with all of these issues, and praise God, some of us do not struggle with any of these issues.
My point is that the problems that are supposed to be bad kid’s problems belong to us too. Unfortunately, our parents and youth workers don’t know that we struggle with these things and they don’t know what to do with us when they find out. Quite frankly, I believe that if you grabbed the average Christian school teacher or youth worker and asked them, “What would you do if you found out that one of the kids you work with was a homosexual?” they wouldn’t know what to say.
My point is not simply that they don’t know what we struggle with or how to deal with it. I think there is a pretty simple reason why “good” kids struggle with such serious stuff. And that there is a solution. At the risk of being blunt, I’m going to be blunt.
Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did.
But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us.
I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.
I know that this has not been a well articulated treatise, but it comes from my heart. If you are able to help us and our families, we would be so grateful. I realize that probably, there is no way to fix the fact that kids my age are detached from our parents or to straighten out the crazy stuff that we struggle with. The alienation is fixed, the scars are permanent. I know our situation is not hopeless. God is at work in my life and my generation, among those of us who have struggled and are struggling. But maybe our younger siblings can have some help that we never had. Maybe you can write a book for our parents that will grab their attention and help them see that this is serious—that their kids need them, desperately.
I guess I’ve run out of things to say. I must say I’m a little hesitant to share my name with you because that attaches me with my parents, who are, by the way, good people. Thanks for everything you have already done to help Christian teens and their families. I’m eager to see what else God will do through you.
Sincerely,(Name Removed to Protect Anonymity)
All I could say when I read this letter was, “WOW! She nailed it!” This is the battle I’ve been fighting for 21 years. I’m planning to write a couple of follow up articles to this letter, but for now, let this insightful young lady’s words sink in, and let God help you evaluate your own parenting and influence.
Are we teaching kids to simply appear and act right? Or are we teaching them to LOVE God and KNOW Him personally?
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Lord, what do I do with this desire to be at home? I am failing in my responsibilities at home. Failing miserably. I feel like I give so so much of myself at work that at the end of the day, I have nothing left to give my family. My precious kids. I know what a gift the ability to have children is. And you gave me 2 wonderful kids. And I am failing in my responsibility of them. I am not a joyful mother to my children. And I hate it. I don't have the strength to work so hard at school all day and then come home and do everything that I need to do at home. When I get home at night, I am emotionally and physically spent. I am alone as well. With Hunny back on nights it adds more responsibility on my plate.
I would so much rather be home. Not have to work and give the best of me to things that won't matter in the end. I would love for my kids to come home to a mother refreshed and ready to see them and not a frazzled mother needing some peace and quiet so she can just get through the rest of the day. It seems like in times gone by life was so much easier. Then times changed, woman were allowed into the work place and now it's normal for woman to work. Woman now look for fulfilment outside of the home and don't put their main attention on the 1 thing in life that does matter, their kids. If a woman doesn't work, she is looked down on, considered lazy. I only ever wanted to be a wife and a mother. I never had high dreams of being a great professional woman. I only wanted to make my home a place where my kids WANT to be. A place where my husband desires to be at night. A happy, warm place. I would say that right now in my life, our home can be chaotic. When my home is chaotic then there is no peace in my soul. I think that I have had such a bad week on my Made to Crave journey b/c my home is in disorder.
These are the thoughts and the stirrings of my soul these days. I do know that right now, I am meant to work. I need to work to help supplement our income. And I know that so many woman are in the same boat. I am thankful for the job that the Lord has given to me. He so amazingly fit my personality into the perfect job for me. God has been good. But I would still love to be able to stay home. Dear woman who is deciding to get a job. If you can stay home. Do it. You will never regret the effort you put into your husband and children.
Mother's are pulled in so many directions. They are expected to work outside the home, they are expected to work in the home also and have a spotless house. And I really do feel like we are judged if our home is not kept well. (But when you work WHO HAS TIME TO KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE???? I really do feel like I am compared to a supermom and of course I fail miserably at it daily. I mean this literally. ) Woman are expected to be able to do everything a man can do and then some, and then wonder why we crack emotionally. (I believe women and men were made differently and men and women and good at different things. God did not design us to go out and try and keep up with men.) Woman are expected to have perfectly behaved children, to be at every church service, church workshop and workday. We are expected to be sunday school teachers and kitchen workers and asked why if you don't do it. Woman are expected to look put together and not frazzled. They are expected to be joyful, meek, mild, quiet and submissive. And on top of all these at the end of the day to have enough energy to completely satisfy our husbands. All these demands can be just to darn much.
Maybe I am the only 1 who feels this way. And if so....then so be it. But I bet there are other woman who is sick and tired of the expectations we put on ourselves, that other's place on us and we are sick of the judging that takes place if we fail in any category.
I think we have our priorities all out of whack. If a mother doesn't work outside of the home, she feels guilty. She isn't bringing any income and is often resented by her husband.
It is our responsibility to train our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But how many times do we say.....sorry child, I don't have time for you, I have to go to this meeting at church, or I have to go take care of this for work. We forget that it is our job to teach our children the love of God. We so many times hand them off to sunday school teachers, jr church workers, christian school teachers and we feel its their JOB to teach our kids about Christ. But it isn't. It's my job. It's your job dear parent.
Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did. But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us. I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.
This to me is truth. It just hit me so hard when I read this.
Dear Lord, help me to remember that I am 1st a mother. That I need to place before all other expectations of me my children. They are with me only for a short number of years. There will be time for all these other things. Give me the strength to make it through my long days at school and then come home and be that joyful mother that you desire me to be. Whether I work or stay at home, help me to show my children you. Help me to teach them about your love and grace. Help them to see you through my many mistakes.
