Babies

Today, I started my period. I am not on birth control, but we do things to try and prevent having a baby. So there is always the chance that I may become pregnant, and I am okay w/ that. God know whether or not I need another baby, and since conception comes f/ him, the I leave it in his hands. Now, I say that all because I still think about having a baby, what it would do to our family, what it would feel like to hold another one of your baby's in your arms, to nurse your child again. All of these things I have thought about. Having a baby right now would put a kink in our schedule. I mean I have a 5 and a 4 yr old. I am almost to the point where I can breath a little bit, so why in my right mind would I want to have another baby? Well, I have the itch. This itch comes and goes, but right now it is here. So this morning when I started my period I was a little sad. But I have a peace that this is all in God's hands and in God's timing. If I am meant to have another baby, then I will, if I am not, then God will give me the peace that I need, and I will live a content life, loving the children that I do have. But I can still dream right?!?! Of course in these dreams your child is always the most beautiful baby (which of course my real ones are :) ) and they always go to sleep when you put them down, and they never cry. They are the most content, happy baby's ever. But in reality, you are up all night w/ this crying infant, and all you want to do is sleep, but there you sit rocking this infant. So again, I ask why would I want to go back to that?? My sister is pregnant right now and due in April. I think that this has a lot to do w/ it. I will enjoy her baby. Baby's are amazing, but I have to remember that they turn in to toddlers. That should be enough birth control for the entire population.